One of a Kind

It's been 45 days since Mom died, and while sharp moments of grief and regret still stab, in general the immediate circumstances of her death are leavened in my thoughts now by happy, loving memories of the many good years of her life. Which, is how she would have it, I'm sure.

I was thinking about this slow lightening of my perspective as I drove Katie to school on this bright, lovely morning. My thoughts (and words) were meandering, the way they do when one has only had time for half a cup of coffee, and Katie and I got to talking about the house Ed and I had looked at yesterday, which was/is exactly what I was looking for and which, as I found out a few hours after we saw it, had already gotten multiple bids. Sigh. Truthfully it was a very long shot anyway, as our finances are not ready for us to pounce on a property in a “hot” market, and this might have been an overambitious pounce anyway.

(The creek that runs along the back of the property. I'm determined to find another place with a creek even better than this one, and I'm going to plant ferns and jack-in-the-pulpits and all sorts of pretty things along it.)

Still, Katie and I were talking about the hoped-for move. “Hoped for” by me, that is. And Ed. Not so much by Katie. She sees the up-sides, but, as she says, she has friends here. Friends are important. Really important. Apropos of a-little-something (“somethings,” really, like hitting my 50's, losing Mom, mortality waving in a reminder-y sort of way), I have been reading these last couple years about the things that make for a meaningful life, and all the books seem to agree on the crucial importance of being part of a Community. Being engaged with people one cares about doing something that seems worth doing. And, kind and friendly as the people in this area are, we've failed to form that sort of community.

Rather than just accepting the fact that we have strong hermit tendencies, Ed and I have decided that if we move to a more populous, more liberal, more “transient” area we might succeed in integrating with some friendly people and live lives filled with purpose and satisfaction. However, Katie points out that she Already has friends at the high school here. I point out that she will be starting her Junior year next year (hopefully in a new, larger school which will offer more and more academic classes), and then she will then be off to college, so, given our slowness at making friends and the fact that she's going to have to make new ones in a couple years anyway, our moving Makes Sense. And then I reminded her that when she goes to college she might find her own Darcy.

(Katie wearing her Junior ROTC uniform. Doesn't she look adorable? There's even a little plastic rifle thing that goes with the outfit. And a beret! But I didn't get to see the beret. She and her fellow ROTC students went off last weekend to some sort of competition.)

Darcy. My college roommate. My guide into the mysteries of socializing and popular culture in college, and a dear if distant friend in the years since. She sends us wonderful, creative Christmas gifts, thoughtful cards, and postcards from exotic locations around the world. And yesterday, when I was feeling rather low I was cheered and stunned to find that Darcy had mailed us an Enormous crate of tasty snack foods from Trader Joes! Crackers, cookies, candies, mixes for more baked goods. Her note explained that she makes a habit of stocking up on these things during the holidays so that she has a stash to enjoy the rest of the year and that she had decided to give this year's stash to us, to provide a little comfort after Mom's loss. Does it get any kinder than that? She was always like that – caring and generous, as well as absurdly brilliant. I hit the jackpot when it came to college roommates. And so when I told Katie that she'd go off to college and meet her own “Darcy,” she responded decisively, “Not likely. She is one of a kind!” Which is true.

(Those peppermint cremes say on the box that they may contain a bit of gluten, but I have gotten away with eating a couple anyway!)

And so my tangling thoughts brought me, by the time I pulled back into our driveway, to a feeling of deep gratitude for the amazing one-of-a-kind people in my life. For my mother, with her unique combination of warmth and idealism, for Darcy, with her energy and thoughtfulness, and for all the rest of my family and friends, who are a pretty amazing bunch of people. I still want to move, to live in a “walkable” neighborhood, close to a church where we can get involved, and near libraries, parks, and museums, but it's good to remember how fortunate I am and how blessed I am in the people I'm privileged to know.

In other news....

Also, Finny seems to be improving a bit in his "mouth-eye" coordination! Specifically as regards catching honey roasted peanuts. He is dedicated to improving himself.

And Kali hasn't done anything dreadful for several days. Probably means she's coming down with something!