Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Guilt, Anxiety, and Self Doubt

Our borrower called this morning to tell us that the inspection is scheduled for next Tuesday, and the appraisal company called and scheduled the inspection for Friday, so I took the leap and told my boss.  I have been dreading her reaction, but she was just as sweet as could be.  Actually, almost too sweet.  I went to the office to have her sign a report that needed to be hand delivered, and to tell her our news, and as I was dithering around, trying to find the right words to say “I put my house on the market six months ago, and am just getting around to telling you now that I have a contract on it,” she told me that she had more clothes for K. and also a big box of videos and CDs.  I told her that we were planning to move, and she was stunned, but quickly renewed the offer of clothes and tapes.  Talk about feeling guilty and ungrateful!  While there have certainly been plenty of times I have loathed my job, my boss has been terrific.  She took me in when I had no experience, treated me kindly, and has paid me well.  My fears that I am making a horrible mistake with this move are mostly because I am giving up a really excellent job that has allowed me to support the family for the last three and a half years.  I haven’t had the time I wanted with the kids, but we have been able to pay the bills and have those nice extras which make life comfortable.  I came home with a large pile of beautiful clothes, some good Disney videos, and lots of guilt and anxiety.

My too decent boss told me that it would be fine with her if we take our trip up north next week, find our house, and then I come back to work until our closing.  That was exactly what I was hoping for but more than I dared expect.  That part of the plan seems to be going well.  Our buyer’s financing is not going so smoothly.  Despite her best efforts, she still has not gotten her bank to produce a letter saying she is pre-approved for the amount needed.  They have told her that she can have the necessary amount, but still have not corrected the original letter.  Since they supposedly know the contract price and have ordered the appraisal, one might assume that they really do plan to let her have the money, but it is very unsettling.  We hope to have the letter tomorrow.  Beyond the letter, my next worry is the appraisal.  I haven’t looked at comparables in a few months, but I looked this afternoon, and the house may very well not appraise to the sales price.  It should, if the appraiser takes into account our updates and upgraded amenities, but if he doesn’t, it will come in too low.

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